The hunt for Bin Laden's body

Yeah... good luck with that...

 

Earlier this week, a treasure hunter announced that he had found Osama Bin Laden's body. Closer examination of this story revealed that this isn't ENTIRELY true.
 
Bill Warren hails from California, although he is currently based out of Azerbaijan. Warren owns an under-sea salvage company… a.k.a., he hunts for sunken treasure. Exciting, right?
 
Here's the catch: Warren doesn't claim to have found Bin Laden's actual body. Instead, he believes that he has located the exact spot in the ocean where it was dumped. And he is currently working to drum up funding for an attempt to venture to the bottom of the ocean and fetch it.

 
Okay, so, yeah. There are some problems here.
 
Problem #1: It's a darned big ocean. Warren claims to have located the dump site based on "satellite images shared by a Pentagon source." I would love to see those satellite images. I have this feeling they just show, you know. THE OCEAN.
 
Problem #2: It's an ocean, not a swimming pool. If you drop something in the middle of the ocean, currents are going to carry it pretty far away. Even the body of something as large as a whale can drift hundreds of miles away before finally settling to the bottom. 
 
Let's be charitable and assume that Warren DOES have the EXACT spot where Bin Laden's body was dumped. Best-case scenario, that's a starting point - for a search that will have to span a hundred miles in each direction.
 
Problem #3: It's an ocean, not a stasis chamber. Bin Laden's body was dumped just over a year ago, as I type this. I once watched a nature special which featured time lapse photography of a whale carcass at the bottom of the ocean. It only takes 5-7 years for AN ENTIRE WHALE CARCASS (bones and all) to disappear without leaving a trace. It would no doubt take a lot less time for one puny little human carcass.
 
Problem #4: it's a fund-raising attempt. I would be a lot less skeptical, except for the fact that Warren is using this "information" to stump for funding. If he announced that he was going after Bin Laden's body with his own money, it would give his claims a lot more credibility.
 
I get why people are interested in dredging up Bin Laden's body. And I can definitely see the side of the skeptics who feel that it didn't really happen, or that it wasn't Bin Laden's body. But unfortunately, this is one of those mysteries that will probably go unsolved forever. 
 

The subtle reality

Real hauntings are ambiguous

Have you ever done any monster-hunting or ghost investigation? Well I have, and most of the time, not too much happens. What does happen is subtle but creepy- an unexplained sound here and a spooky cold spot there, an unshakeable feeling that something's watching you, a sudden irrational panic and so on. Whether any of this is caused by ghosts is obviously very much open to debate, but that's the type of experience you can expect to have if you experience anything at all.

 

 

Most horror movies completely ignore this fact, because a big monster with over-the-top special effects is an easier way to put some drama in the movie. There have been a few movies, though, that tell it like it is. One is “The Blair Witch Project,” of course- for most of the movie, the only evidence of a witch is some spooky noises in the background.

Another example is “The Haunting”- not the ridiculous remake they made in the Nineties, but the old black and white version based on Shirley Jackson's superior horror novel “The Haunting of Hill House.” A team of ghost hunters stay in a cursed mansion, and nothing much happens- except that one of them starts to slowly lose her mind. Because that's the curse. Hill House somehow gets inside the head of any visitor with psychological issues and slowly drives that person over the edge, but it's all very subtle, very ambiguous. Even at the end, there's no way to say for sure that the house had anything to do with it.

 

In my opinion, that's what real hauntings are like, and that's why they don't “prove” all that easily. Horror movies that recognize this can get a lot of mileage out of it.

 

Encounters With Dead Travelers

Perhaps, when you die far from home, it takes a while for your spirit to realize that the body is dead, and move forward accordingly.

In a Metafilter discussion about the disappearance of Noah Pippin, Metafilter user humanfont laid out a fascinating possibility: that the many encounters with Pippin in the Bob Marshall Wilderness were not with the living man Noah Pippin, but with his ghost. Humanfont goes on to recount one of his own encounters with a ghost while hiking in the high Rockies, an engrossing story which shares many of the hallmarks of the encounters with Pippin.
 
Tales of encountering a traveler in the wilderness, only to later learn that they had been long dead by then, are rife throughout human history. These sorts of stories have no doubt been told in every culture around the world. (Off the top of my head, I can think of versions from Celtic, Eastern European, and sub-Saharan Africa.)

 
Most often, the ghost is that of someone who died nearby. Sentient ghosts (those who look and act just like any other human being) rarely seem to travel far from their place of death. These days, in North America at least, the stranger you meet in the woods is likely to be another hiker, hunter, or fisherman. In the past, and in other parts of the world, it's more likely to be a traveler walking from one place to the next. 
 
These apparitions are usually "fresh," in the sense that they are rarely seen more than a few years after their time of death. Most tales seem to involve people who died within weeks or months of their sighting. Perhaps, when you die far from home, it takes a while for your spirit to realize that the body is dead, and move forward accordingly.
 
As humanfont notes, "During the whole encounter it seems like something is off." The stranger may appear curt, and will probably refuse any offers of food or supplies. 
 
Some areas seem to harbor more ghosts than others. In Pacific Northwest Native American tradition, rivers are often the location where spirits are found. In rural American tradition, an uninhabited crossroad is where you will meet the spirits of dead travelers. And throughout America you can find stories of spirits walking along the shoulder of the road, looking to thumb a ride.
 
One similar component to all of these stories is that they are the spirits of travelers who died accidentally. This delineates the difference between this type of spirit, and those you will meet at (say) Japan's infamous "Suicide Forest."
 

Sasquatch Sightings: The Hermit Factor

If you happen to spot a Sasquatch in Montana's Rocky Mountains, ask him if he answers to "Noah."

I have a pet theory about Sasquatch. My personal hunch is that most (maybe all) Sasquatch sightings are actually encounters with men who, for whatever reason, have taken to the woods. You live in the great outdoors for a year or two, things happen. You stop shaving your face or cutting your hair. Your Polar Fleece jacket finally disintegrates, so you don a makeshift poncho made from a bear skin. Your boots fall apart, so you go barefoot.
 
Sound unlikely? The truth is, there are many documented cases throughout history of people who have abandoned society to live in the woods. And guess what? The sort of person who moves to the forest to live alone among the animals is also not the sort of person who will react kindly to encountering other humans. 

 
Growing up in Alaska, I heard many stories of people who left it all behind, walked into the woods and never came back. Alaska is kind of a mythical destination for some people. It draws that sort of dreamer. Sometimes stupid dreamers, like Christopher McCandless, who starved to death amidst a bounty of wild food. Or the recent Seattle-area survivalist murderer who built a secret underground lair, but only stocked it with Coke and Snickers bars.
 
And then you have men like Noah Pippin. 
 
This sad and heartbreaking story from Outside Magazine details the life of Noah Pippin, interwoven with the last sightings of him in the Bob Marshall Wilderness. Pippin was a combat veteran, and served several tours of duty with the Marines in Iraq. When he returned from service, he refused any psychiatric help, fearing that it would go on his permanent record and hurt his career chances. 
 
Pippin grappled with his demons alone. He withdrew from his family, then slipped away from society while ostensibly driving cross-country to re-deploy with the military. There are several credible and detailed accounts of encounters with Pippin in the Bob Marshall Wilderness Complex in Montana, but the last of these was in September, 2010. 
 
Where is Pippin now? Dead, either suicide or through misadventure? Has he left the woods, and started a new life somewhere else? Or could he still be out there, eking out a living from the harsh wilderness?
 
All of which is to say, if you happen to spot a Sasquatch in Montana's Rocky Mountains, ask him if he answers to "Noah."

The Rothschild Conspiracy

Does this rich European family pull the world's puppet strings?

 

One of the many conspiracy theories that keeps popping up, linked to dozens of other theories, involves the Rothschild family. The Rothschilds are inarguably one of the world's richest families. This German Jewish family has its origins in the 1500s, and began its long climb to fame in the mid 1700s. The Rothschilds began as money changers in the Jewish ghetto of Frankfurt. Their success led to the creation of an independent house of finance, and the Rothschilds have remained heavily involved in finance ever since.
 
When people talk about an "international Jewish banking conspiracy," they are more or less talking about the Rothschilds. It's difficult enough under ordinary circumstances to separate legitimate conspiracy fears from plain old anti-Semitism. In the case of the Rothschilds, one must begrudgingly admit that this is a Jewish family which made a lot of money as bankers, and who have at times exercised their power in an unsavory fashion.

 
During the Napoleonic Wars, for example, the Rothschilds used secret military information for their own monetary gain. The Rothschilds bankrolled the English, "almost single-handedly financing the British war effort." At the same time, they created a network across Europe for ferrying gold and information. This network was remarkably powerful and efficient, and the Rothschilds frequently received information well ahead of the British government or their peers. They capitalized on this information to make an astounding amount of money.
 
It's likely that the industrialization of Europe in the late 1800s would not have happened without the Rothschilds. They financed railway systems, the Suez Canal, the creation of Rhodesia, DeBeers, the Rio Tinto mining company, and dozens of other hugely successful (and historically important) efforts. The Rothschilds became wealthy beyond most people's dreams, and amassed one of the world's largest private collections of artwork, plus 41 palaces across the world. 
 
In the last century or two, the Rothschilds have become increasingly more secretive, keeping a low profile, making donations anonymously, and so forth. This only raises the suspicions of some; combine such an astounding wealth with a wall of secrecy, and you're just asking for trouble.
 
The Rothschilds certainly have enough money to buy and sell political favors, change the course of history, and own entire countries. Does that mean that they do? Some contend that the Rothschilds control the whole of Europe from behind the scenes. There have been allegations that the Rothschilds are behind the two World Wars, as well as the introduction of the Euro. 
 
The Rothschilds, for their part, remain silent on the matter.
 

UFO spotted near sun?

Recent NASA imagery shows an unusual shape

NASA recently released some images of our sun which seemed to feature some sort of structure orbiting the sun. Dubbed the "Icarus Craft" by some, the shape appears to be two gray lines joined by a ball in the center. The lines are at about an 120 degree angle, facing the sun, as if to collect sunlight or solar particles.
 
UFO speculators have described the two straight lines as "boom arms," and the entire thing as a jointed craft. The obvious UFO conclusion is that it is parked at the sun like a car at the gas station, tanking up on the sun's energy in order to continue zipping around the universe.
 
The idea of aliens hanging around our sun is not a new one. Last December, some UFO hunters spotted what appeared to be an alien craft lurking behind Mercury - in other words, in roughly the same area where the Icarus Craft was photographed.

 
NASA meanwhile has explained that the image is just an artifact of the CCD cameras which they use for solar photography. The cameras are sensitive enough to pick up on flashes of light from proton impacts on the camera's lens. Sort of like an extremely high tech sensitive version of the "dust particle/orb" phenomenon, in other words.
 
It's notoriously difficult to judge size from a photograph. If it is an actual craft, it appears to be hundreds of miles across, judging by comparison with the other objects (the sun, partially occluded by Mercury) in the shot. However, this could just be forced perspective. 
 
Science fiction novelists have been using the sun as spaceship fuel for decades. Every star in the universe (including our own) is a power plant of massive size, throwing off energy in every direction. All you have to do is figure out how to catch and store it! 
 
Stars are not only enormously powerful, they are also ubiquitous throughout the universe. No matter where you are, if you have a faster than light drive, you are probably near enough to a star to be able to tank up.
 
There are two basic sci fi technologies that capture the power of stars: push and pull. "Push" designs basically attach a huge set of sails to the spaceship, so that the ship can literally sail along on the solar wind of particles being ejected by every star. "Pull" designs include the popular ram scoop drive, which collects solar particles and funnels them into the ship's engine to use as fuel.
 

The Jersey Devil

Not exactly debunked

Somebody recently told me that the Jersey Devil legend had been debunked, so I went and looked it up for myself and found out it's not quite so simple. The article in question is on a website called Skeptoid, which tells you what the author's bias is right off the bat. To his credit, though, he avoids the most common fallacy of professional debunkers- assuming that if you can come up with some vaguely possible non-supernatural explanation of what might have happened, you have effectively disproved the entire legend.

What he did was to go back to the original sources and establish two things:

 

1- Some of the 19th century Jersey Devil legends were fabricated in order to discredit a local politician. Of course, an existing local legend could well have been hijacked for such a purpose, so this doesn't really debunk the Jersey Devil as such. However, it does prove that the commonly-given “origin story” for the creature could not have happened.

 

2- in 1909, when many of the famous sightings occurred, some prankster attached fake wings to a kangaroo and charged admission to see the Jersey Devil. However, as the author admits himself, there is no clear indication whether this happened before or after the sightings, so it could have just been a case of someone trying to cash in on the public interest in the creature after legitimate sightings had occurred.

 

He ends up concluding, quite sensibly, that any number of things could potentially explain the sightings and that we don't know what really happened, but that there is “no compelling reason” to assume there's a Jersey Devil out there in the Pine Barrens. I can't really say I have any problem with that conclusion, but it falls rather short of a debunking. It comes down to a difference of temperament. When confronted with such a legend, his inclination is to disbelieve without definitive proof. Others are inclined to believe whether they have proof or not. My inclination is to say “maybe” and to enjoy the legend!

 

Warren Buffett: Tool of the Illuminati?

As a rich white dude, naturally many people believe that Buffett is a tool of the Illuminati, and/or the Rothschilds.

 

Last week when I was thinking about the conspiracy theories that surround the success of hip hop and rap artists like Jay-Z and Tupac, I found myself thinking "I bet it's just people being racist because they don't think a black person could be successful in a musical genre that they hate. I bet there aren't any conspiracy theories about white guys like Warren Buffett!"
 
And then I did a quick bit of Googling which immediately rendered my theory invalid. In fact, quite a few people are supporting conspiracy theories about Warren Buffett. And interestingly, these two beliefs - about Jay-Z and Warren Buffett - intersect at several points.

 
As a rich white dude, naturally many people believe that Buffett is a tool of the Illuminati, and/or the Rothschilds. Jay-Z, of course, has achieved a kind of notoriety by seemingly overtly signaling that he is a member of the Illuminati. He throws a hand sign which is said to represent the Illuminati's all-seeing pyramid.
 
When Buffett visited Jay-Z's club earlier this year, Buffett was photographed throwing the same sign. Naturally, conspiracy theory circles went nuts over these pictures! And in truth, it is a little bit weird to wonder why a little old white man would want to visit Jay-Z's 40/40 club. But hey, if you have as much money as Warren Buffett, you can do pretty much whatever you want on a Friday night. So why not?
 
(I have already covered the Illuminati-related conspiracy theories regarding Jay-Z in an article here.)
 
Those who believe in a Jewish international banking conspiracy also suspect Buffett of being a pet of the Rothschilds. The Rothschilds, of course, are one of the world's largest and oldest conspiracy theories. This is a family which is both Jewish and surpassingly rich, so that's an obvious target. For all practical purposes, the Rothschilds ARE the "Jewish international banking conspiracy," or are at least a very big part of the source of those corrosive beliefs.
 
I am often more fascinated by WHY people believe conspiracies than I am by the conspiracies themselves. My current theory is that a certain kind of person (typically someone who feels unsuccessful in their own life) finds it easier to believe that other people are successful because of a grand conspiracy. In other words, it's not that I'm a broke loser, it's that I haven't allowed myself to become a pawn of the Illuminati!
 
Yeah, that's the ticket! 

Forest Service May Dynamite Frozen Cows

How else to dispose of their carcasses in a remote Colorado wilderness?

 

Nine miles outside Aspen, Colorado in the Maroon Bells-Snowmass Wilderness Area stands the abandoned Conundrum Creek Cabin, property of the United States Forest Service. (Pictured here, in balmier days.) It's still the middle of winter up there, with a substantial snowpack. 
 
Last month, two Air Force Academy cadets on snow shoes made a startling discovery: six dead, frozen cows are packed inside the ranger station. Other dead cows are scattered around the outside of the cabin, as well.
 

 
It's bizarre and somewhat comical, but sad, too. How long did it take the cows to die inside the cabin? Did they die of thirst and starvation, or did they succumb to hypothermia? A mass of cows huddled together inside a cabin could potentially generate a lot of heat - but then again, winter weather in the high Rocky Mountains is extremely severe. It may not have been enough.
 
(And how big a mess did they leave, before they died?)
 
I'm also not convinced that the cows were too dumb to figure out how to leave. Presumably, the door to the cabin swings inward. One intrepid cow may have nudged it open, or it may already have been left open by earlier visitors (animal or human). Once inside, the cows no doubt closed the door behind them by accident. Cows are surprisingly intelligent animals, but they aren't very good at working with doorknobs.
 
Now the Forest Service has to figure out what to do with their carcasses. Once the spring thaw begins, the carcasses will begin to bloat, rot, and create a major health threat for the neighboring hot springs. 
 
The cow-sicles could theoretically be hauled out with a helicopter one by one, but this option has been deemed too expensive. They could be driven out in trucks, but the Wilderness Area designation means that roads are unimproved, and trucks can be extremely damaging to the rough trails. 
 
The abandoned cabin is apparently a loss, between its age and all the dead cows stuck inside. The Forest Service's current plan is to have some Rangers pack in explosives, and blow the whole thing up. Once dispersed in this fashion, the cows' remains will be quickly eaten by scavengers. 
 
But they have to work fast… springtime is coming.

Conspiracies Swirl Around Suge Knight, Tupac, and Baphomet

Knight says he thinks Tupac is still alive - but he would say that, wouldn't he?!

 

Like some bad Scooby Doo "play within a play," Coachella's seeming revival of Tupac from the dead (in hologram form) has stirred up a lot of conspiracy talk around Tupac's death - or feigned death.
 
In a recent radio appearance, Suge Knight said he doesn't believe Tupac is dead. According to Knight, his theory explains why the police never found the murderer - there wasn't one! "Nobody seen Tupac dead," Knight said. He added that he gave the man who "supposedly" cremated Tupac's remains, but the crematorium employee was never seen again.

 
No matter how you look at Knight's statement, claiming that Tupac is still alive is an entirely self-serving thing to do. The Tupac-related conspiracy theories fall into two basic clusters: 
 
Cluster 1: Testimony Against Knight
Two ways you can go with this one. Either Tupac turned State's Witness against Suge Knight, and faked his death in order to go into hiding. Or Knight knew that Tupac was considering testifying against him, and hired a hit man to silence Tupac before this could happen.
 
If you believe the first, then Knight is saying "I know you're out there and I'll get you eventually." If you believe the second, then Knight is saying "It wasn't me! He's not even dead!" 
 
Cluster 2: Baphomet
Some people believe that Knight had Tupac killed as a blood sacrifice to Baphomet, the Satanic goat lord with suspected ties to the Illuminati, the Templars, the Masons, and more. Knight's insane success with Death Row Records is seen by many as the work of a Satanic bargain. 
 
And what better sacrifice for Satan than Tupac Shakur, one of the world's most successful recording artists at the time?
 
As proof for this theory, conspiracy theorists offer a handful of seemingly unrelated or perhaps misinterpreted facts and signs. Like Tupac's final album (which was released after his death) was titled "Killuminati," which many see as a clear indicator that he was involved with the Illuminati (or perhaps just trying to call them out). Or this picture, in which Suge Knight seems to be throwing the "sign of Baphomet" hand sign at Snoop Dogg.
 
According to this theory, obviously Knight would claim that Tupac was still alive. Again, to dodge the blame for his death.
 
Personally, I feel like there is an underlying racist component to this theory. People who don't like (nay, actively hate) rap can't understand how someone like Suge Knight or Jay-Z could make so much money off it. The obvious answer is not that "Well, YOU may not like it, but a lot of other people do" but "Satanic bargain." 
 

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