According to The Oregonian, a man in Hillsboro, OR, was arrested for going on a light-saber assault rampage through his neighborhood Toys R’ Us. The man, 33-year old David Allen Canterbury, evidently was struck by some Clone Wars PTSD and grabbed two blue-tinged light-saber toys (it’s OK everybody, he’s a good jedi), and began running through the store, dual-wielding his “more elegant weapon for a more civilized age.” I imagine the guy was simply trying out his best Old Republic moves on freaked out customers because, as the article reported, none of the victims needed medical attention. Still, the police were called and the scene and while the 911 caller was still on the phone Canterbury took his Fisher-Price rampage out to the parkinglot.
As police arrived, he was still in the parking lot, ready to face Portland’s storm-troopers in blue. Swinging his dual blue light-sabers, he made it difficult for police to arrest them. Eventually they resorted to tasers, and this is where it get’s interesting. According to the report, the first officer’s taser refused to operate. Was it the Jedi mind trick? (“Don’t taze me bro!”) The second officer used his taser and Canterbury deflected the wires with his lightsaber. Ha-zaa!
Of course, after that didn’t work, Portland’s finest just tackled the guy to the ground and hauled him away in cuffs. The department store Jedi was charged with disorderly conduct, theft, assault, and resisting arrest. We’ve yet to find out whether they found traces of any drugs (or midi-chlorians) in his blood. Still, there are plenty of stories of real robberies and tragedies, it’s nice to hear about one that didn’t hurt anybody and earned some attention for a fantastic sci-fi franchise. Who knows, with a little planning this become the latest trend for flashmobs; how about a bunch of Gollums at K Jewelers, or an Ewok attack on Times Square? The possibilities are endless.